Wednesday, 17 August 2011

It's thunder, bitches

What: Thor

When: May 6th

Who: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Tom Hiddleston, Anthony Hopkins

Mastermind: Kenneth Branagh

I love superhero movies. Give me a masked dude in tights, a freak accident and a pretty girl and I'm all set. I really can't remember a superhero film I didn't like. I liked the Green Hornet, all the X-men movies and V for Vendetta is probably my favourite film of all time (OF ALL TIME). Thor is no different, I loved Thor. It's nice and shinny, it has great special effects and a plot that's not completely retarded (I really like it when plots aren't retarded). Anyway, I had really high expectations for this film mainly because it was directed by Kenneth Branagh and, as we all know, he's an Irish pie filled with creamy Shakespearean awesomeness.

"A superhero movie, you say? Directed by Kenneth Branagh? Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Where do I sign?!"

Thankfully, Thor didn't disappoint. It's a really enjoyable movie. However, I have a few problems with the characters. I might love superhero films but I usually end up rooting for the villains.

Let me tell you about Thor. Thor is a big burly sort of fella who's not very smart and likes to smash stuff with his sidekick Mjolnir, the cosmic hammer. Naturally, Thor is blond, generically attractive and somewhat annoying. I believe he's the male equivalent of those ditsy and surgically enhanced girls who ride their pink scooters all around town with their freakishly small dogs and their overpriced handbags. The lights are on but nobody's home.

Anyway, Thor also has a brother named Loki who's not blond and appears to have a personality who turns out to be adopted (completely different gene pools... I should have known). Loki ends up playing the villain and if he had managed to scatter Thor's particles all across the universe using one of his worm-hole type thingies I would've been one happy camper.

Natalie Portman's character is also pretty sad. For someone who's supposed to be super smart she has no survival instincts whatsoever. Who, in the name of everythig that is holy, finds a crazy dude in the desert claming he came from space and decides to keep him? Women... that's who...

Rating: Oh yay!