Friday, 29 July 2011

Harry Potter and The Crappy McCrappyPants

What: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Part II, I will not be reviewing part I because I am lazy)

When: July 15th

Who: All those people who were in the last seven films

Mastermind The Crappinator: David Yates

(Hey there. It's been a long time since my last review but I've finally decided to get off my ass and start doing something mildly productive (I have a very odd definition of "productive" so... yeah))

After seeing the final Harry Potter I've come to the conclusion that the universe has a very dark, twisted sense of humour. The universe is, in fact, a complete and utter dick. The universe hates me, it finds no joy in seeing people happy and I'm pretty sure that's why this film exists: to spread misery and sorrow throughout the land.

I loved pretty much all the Harry Potter films. Deathly Hallows part I was OK, nothing special, but I was totally fine with that because part II would surely blow my mind and make me pick up pieces of my skull from the floor. They promised me (and everyone else) pure, raw awesomeness to make up for all the camping and talking that happened in part I but instead I got a rather laughable and quite inaccurate adaptation of the last Harry Potter book.

I always thought adapting books into movies was hard. It must be very difficult to decide which parts to cut and which parts to keep. However, I will never understand the need these screenwriters have to pull stuff out of their asses. Why, in the name of all that is holy,  do they have to make stuff up? WHY? There's a book already, there's no need to put stuff in the movie that didn't really happened in the first place! Neville and Luna don't have any romantic relationship whatsoever. Neville marries the Abbott girl and Luna marries a random dude with an odd name. They don't marry each other! Sure, some fans would like to see some Luna/Neville action going on but doesn't mean screenwriters get to change the story. You don't see any Aragorn/Legolas involvement in Lord of the Rings, do you? And I'm pretty sure some people would like to see that... not me, of course...not really my cup of tea.

When I read that whole part about Snape's memories I cried my eyes out but the film adaptation just gave me the giggles.To be honest, most of the film gave me the giggles. It just took itself too seriously and ended up being silly instead of dark and dramatic. It's not bad film, it's just... a bit ridiculous.

I wouldn't go as far as to give it a negative review. It's not a bad film, the performances are pretty nice and the special effects are great but, as an adaptation, it sucks... big time.

So, if you're not a complete snob, such as myself, you'll enjoy this film very much. However, if you were blessed with the ability to be a complete prick, then you'll resent it for the rest of your days and be sad for a week just because the big bad movie people didn't produce exactly what you wanted.

There will be no "official" (lulz) rating because I'm too ambivalent.