Friday, 24 September 2010

Awesome sauce

ZOHMYGOODNESS! Have you seen it?! HAVE YOU SEEN IT, GOD DAMMIT?! It''s beautiful...

It looks absolutly amazing... I want it... NOW!

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

What: The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Who: Nicolas Cage, Jay Baruchel, Monica Bellucci, Alfred Molina, Teresa Palmer

When: July 14th

Mastermind: Jon Turtletaub

"The Sorcerer's Apprentice" is average... painfully average. It's...irrelevant. Sure, it's shinny, I mean, not Avatar shinny but it's ok. The special effects are pretty cool but, lets be honest, no one cares. Seriously, would you go to the cinema to watch Harry Potter's retarded third cousin who may or may not be slightly inbred? No, you wouldn't. Why? Because there's already an awesome wizard franchise out there and no one can pull a Harry Potter ("I'm a sorcerer?! But I'm just a normal and awkward little boy! Surely it can't be!" It's been done, love) apart from Harry Potter himself. One might try to argue that this film was based on a poem by Paul Dukas and that there's no sorcery school but it just feels... derivative.

The actors didn't help either. Jay Baruchel has fallen in the Michael Cera trap: he plays himself in every film. We get it, he's awkward, he's very pale, he's skinny, he has a high-pitched voice, he's a nerd/geek/dork, he gets the girl, blah blah blah. Seen it all before. And it's not only that, he's constantly bitching and moaning. "Oh, no thanks Mr. Magician Man, I don't want to have awesome super powers and shoot lighting out of my hands, no, sorry, don't want to save the world either. I'd rather just go on a date with a girl who thinks I'm crazy". Oh. My. God. Who does that?! He actually prefers chasing tail over learning how to created awesome force fields.

But, anyway, it wasn't that bad. Just pointless. I'll admit it was a good time, it had mildly good-looking people, cool(ish) special effects and I had a nice bucket of popcorn to keep me busy during Nicolas Cage's ill-written monologues.

(Did anyone notice that in the poster Nicolas Cage's character is wearing the ring that, apparently, only the super-duper-ultra-elusive Prime Merlinian could wear? What's up with that? Silly Nicolas Cage... you're not the Prime Merlinian get that ring off your finger!)

Rating: Meh

Friday, 17 September 2010


I'm really excited about "Priest". The official genre is "futuristic superhero vampire western horror" and... I'm pretty sure that if someone found out a way to throw in there "zombie" too, the whole world would just collapse from the awesomeness. It'd be more effective than dividing by zero.

Apparently it's loosely based on a manhwa of the same name and its fanboys are already criticizing the hell out of it. The film is set to premiere in May of the next year and they're already trashing it. Seriously people? Are you trying to convince me that a film that stars Paul Bettany is going to suck? Because we all know that's not going to happen. Did you see him in "The DaVinci Code"? Did you? He made self-mortification seem hot. That's real talent right there. Who cares if it's not a hundred per cent exactly like the comic book? Do you see me bitching about the fourth Harry Potter movie? NO! Because it was awesome anyway! So shut your complain holes.

Stephen Moyer is in too (yes, vampire Bill from True Blood) which is good. I really like a very non-sexual way. He just seems like a nice person. I can still remember when he was a struggling actor playing a creepy stalker/pervert/mass-murderer on "Waking the Dead"...they grow up so fast.

So, anyway, here's the trailer. I particularly enjoyed the shuriken crosses.