Jezebel's DVD pick of the month: Whatever Works

(Yes, it used to be Jezebel's DVD pick of the week but I have other things to do, you know?)

What: Whatever Works

Who: Larry David, Evan Rachel Wood, Patricia Clarkson, Ed Begley Jr., Michael McKean, Henry Cavill.

When: June 25th

Mastermind: Woody Allen (in case you're wondering... mastermind means director)


I know this is getting a little repetitive but... I just don't get the T-Meter critics from Rotten Tomatoes. I really liked "Whatever Works". It's sharp, funny, witty and intelligent: a comedy for people who aren't soulless automatons and don't laugh at things you'd see in a romantic comedy with Jennifer Aniston. And still... the T-Meter Critics (also known as morons with zero or no intelligent input what so ever regarding films in general) didn't like it. It only got 49% positive reviews. But then I thought "well, maybe they just don't like Woody Allen anymore for that whole situation with his ex-wife's Asian adoptive daughter" but no, "Vicky Christina Barcelona" got 82% positive reviews (which is odd because it's rubbish).

(I really have to stop making a habit out of insulting T-Meter critics... it's not a very nice thing to do)

"Whatever works" is Woody Allen's return to smart comedies. Sure, the dramatic phase was nice, I liked "Scoop" and "Match Point" but by the time I got to" Cassandra's Dream" and "Vicky Christina Barcelona" I was bored out of my mind. After all, what's a Woody Allen film without a neurotic, borderline autistic, obsessive-compulsive character? I'll admit this film doesn't feature Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz making out or hunky Javier Bardem being hunky but it does have clever dialogues, witty one-lines such as "I see death by cultural shock" (go see the movie for context) and interesting characters like the up-tight southern midle-aged woman who ends up becoming an artist and sharing her bed with two other gentlemen.

So, yes, it's great in the sense only Woody Allen can be. Go watch it... like NOW.

Rating: Awesome!

It's the A-team, bitches.

What: The A-team

Who: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel, Patrick Wilson, Sharlto Copley, Quinton Jackson.

When: July 27th.

I don't understand the so-called critics who rate films over at rottentomatoes.com. "The A-Team" only got 48% positive reviews. But I guess that, when you read what the T-Meter critics have to say, everything gets a whole lot clearer: they just didn't get it, they didn't understand the film, not even a tiny bit. They call it vulgar, ordinary, disorienting and, my personal favourite, noisy (how, in the name of everything that is holy, can a film be noisy by its own? Maybe the cinema you went to just had the volume button turned up really really high, did you ever thought about that, mister movie critic?). Some people even said the plot was very confusing and that the whole film was so fast paced no one could understand it. Uh? Uh in the uh? How? It's an action movie, love. If you can't keep up with this kind of story-line, I suggest you start watching some Adam Sandler (or Ben Stiller) comedies.

But, hey, these are probably the same people who bashed "Where the wild things are" for having a sound-track full of overly obscure indie music (what were they expecting?).

Well, now that we got that out of the way, I can start reviewing the film properly. First of all, I really, really, REALLY liked it. I mean, it had awesome car/tank/airplane chases, explosions, likable characters (except for Jessica Biel's character, Hollywood just can't produce decent female characters, she was as annoying as a hyperactive poodle on crack), a semi-original story-line and funny dialogues. What more can a girl ask for? I think (I'm going out on a limb here) "The A-team" might just be the underrated film of the summer, the underdog, the retarded but adorable puppy, the... well, you see where I'm getting at.

I'm not saying "The A-team" is Oscar material. I'm not saying I'm going to give it an "insanely-good-movie-that-changed-my-life". What I'm trying to say is: if a film does not have Paris-Hilton-level performances (I'll be damned, that girl can't act to save her life), a plot straight out of one of Uwe Boll's "creations" (poor guy... got mocked two reviews in a row) and the cheap feel of a bad spoof like "Epic Movie" then it should get positive reviews. It shouldn't get over-analysed and bashed because it's not a super deep psychodrama.

So, movie critics and people who enjoy talking about cinema in general, if you had fun, if the film didn't suck and if you didn't need popcorn to entertain yourself just... give it a thumbs up and shut your pie holes.

Rating: Awesome!

Pretty Robert Downey Junior is pretty

(seriously, being that good-looking must hurt... A LOT)

What: Sherlock Holmes

Who: Robert Downey Junior, Robert Downey Junior, Robert Downey Junior, Robert Downey Junior, Robert Downey Junior oh, and Jude Law, Rachel MacAdams and some other guy called Mark Strong

When: December 26th

I have a question for you, my non-existent followers, what's better than Robert Downey Junior? No, the answer is not "nothing" (smart asses), the correct answer is "Robert Downey Junior with a British accent" (oh... how I like Robert Downey Junior... *sigh*)

I saw Guy Ritchie's Sherlock Holmes last night and I really liked it. I mean, come on, what could go wrong? First of all, it's a Guy Ritchie film (Snatch is absolutely hilarious) and then...Robert Downey Junior plays the lead character. I also liked the way England is portrayed, it doesn't have a squeaky clean image with gorgeous people running around (apart from Robert Downey Junior of course) in impeccable outfits and great diction, no, no, it's all very dirty, with ugly people, filthy streets and rats (lots of them), you can almost smell it.
I also liked Jude Law as Watson (although I stand by my belief that he's just a bad version of Ewan Macgregor). Oh... and Sherlock Holmes? Don't get me started on him! He was like a CSI, a scientist and a detective, all wrapped in a gorgeous, eloquent, scruffy and toned package... I'm sorry, what were we talking about?... Oh right, hum... so the story revolves a super evil villain (Mark Strong) with pseudo-supernatural powers, his alleged resurrection and a lot of ass-kicking (I'm not going to spoil the movie for you, just go to the movies and enjoy yourself)
So that's about it, it's an amazing film (I think the movie critics at Rotten Tomatoes are a bunch of stuck-up snobs: 48%, really? Are you on crack?), really entertaining, funny and full of mystery. I advise everyone to go see it, especially teenage girls...even if it's just to see what a real man looks like.


Oh, and I have one last question (it's a tricky one): What's better than Robert Downey Junior with a British accent?... Robert Downey Junior speaking french (which he does...in the movie...you should really go see it)

Rating: Awesome!

You basterds!

What: Inglourious Basterds


Who: Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, Cristoph Waltz, Diane Kruger.


Sure, but who directed it? Who?! Director/writer: Quentin Tarantino


When: August 2009

I went to see Inglourious Basterds (hoo ray for me!) aaaand... *drum rolls*... I freaking loved it! I mean, you'd have to be a handicapped automaton made by Apple NOT to like it. It was EPIC, it had everything, it was the perfect balance between comedy, gore, meaningful dialogues and good looking people (My name is Jezebel and I approve of Eli Roth, although I'd like to see Zachary Quinto play Donny Donowitz).

So...yes, it deserves all the fuss it's getting. Tarantino did it again (I'm sorry but... am I the only one who thinks he looks creepy as hell and that he's built like a serial rapist?). The movie had a very real vibe to it, if a British soldier spoke German the Nazi officers would be all: "Hmm, this guy has a funny accent, I wonder if he's a super secret evil spy from the allies...". The only not-so real thing in the movie was the ending: Tarantino kills Hitler in the movie but not the usual "*pew pew pew*, you're dead!" death, this was more the "pew pew pew, crash, burn, more pew pew pew, more burning and a few more pew pew" death. Tarantino blows Hitler up, sets him on fire and makes a Swiss cheese out him (you know, I'm going for clever here, Swiss cheeses have holes and so do people when they're shot at repeatedly). I also liked the whole scalping Nazis thing and carving a swastika in the few "lucky" survivors' foreheads.

I just didn't see the point in killing off most of the cool characters (come one, Eli Roth's character was way too pretty to die, way to pretty Quentin! What were you thinking?!). However, Aldo Raine (played by Brad Pitt) gets to live, how's that fair?! HUM?! HOW?!

Oh, and..hm.. give Cristoph Waltz an Oscar. He spoke Italian, French, English and German perfectly... that's got to count for something...right?


Rating: Awesome!